Soapbox 7: like Blakes 7, only soapier
During the election campaign, we’re sharing the best and the worst of political communication. There’ll be no party bias here. We promise to praise everyone and spare no one, despite what we secretly think.
Today’s Soapbox is shorter than usual, due to savage cuts.
Metaphor Central (trains will be non-stopping)
Swinging into the station first is David Cameron:
“Ed Miliband will reach into your pay packets and cut your pay”
Like a Marxist Mr Tickle
On the next platform, Ed Balls:
“People were bitten quite hard by David Cameron”
Nasty, bitey David Cameron.
Nursing a can of warm bitter in the buffet car, we have Nigel Farage:
“I promise my party will stand up to deal with this disaster”
Is that because you’ll only have one seat?
Today’s politicians are, it seems, incredibly keen on metaphorical locks. We’ve had a triple lock on pensions, a fiscal responsibility lock and now today’s Tory tax lock. Surely, this is enough locks now. We propose a lock lock, some kind of binding legal commitment to lock all the locks in a big locked box and throw away the key.
Quote of the day from Russell Brand
“It’s certainly not apathy, Ed. It’s more a sense of ‘what’s the point?’”
A joke so good, we did it yesterday
What, Michael Gove?
“What we’re doing is operationalising what was in the manifesto”
Well that explainifies that.
Finally, some nice parallel structure from someone with a nice parallel name
“The suffragettes gave women the right to vote; we’ve got to give them the reason to vote.”
Well done, Harriet Harman. Quietroom salutes you.